Coping With The Unknown

Not long ago, I was looking at my varshaphala (solar return) charts; just clicking forward to the next year, and the next, as though I was turning pages in a book that told the story of my life, except I’d never know which page the ink would run dry.

Whether there is any accuracy or truth to it, it’s a strange, almost dissociative experience to feel like you’re looking at every future year of life. As I progressed through the years, noting their promise of ease or difficulty, I eventually reached a threshold of time where I felt the best years would surely be behind me. Not due to any astrology indications, mind you, just the acknowledgement of what time inevitably brings.

Suddenly, those celestial bodies I had grown to put so much faith in started to look less friendly. Moving in perfect impartiality, they would be there to usher out the best things from my life, just as they had once “coincided” with the best to come into it. It was one of those moments (of many) where I looked at the various charts and graphs before me and wondered…does any of this even matter? (Not more than any other enjoyable pastime).

But in the reminder that life holds very little certainty (other than it will one day end), I wanted comfort. I had spiraled into a hole of…anxiousness, left feeling like a pawn on a cosmic chessboard…or cheeseboard? A decaying cheeseboard also seems fitting.

My relationship with astrology is complicated. It’s certainly contradictive to my devotional sentiments of surrender, which is why I am less active with it these days.  On one hand, the mere suggestion that the heavens have sway over my life and destiny spurs me to defiant action. But, life and practice have made it clear there’s still a lot outside our control. Perhaps dictated by karma, chaos, or simply beyond our current orbit of awareness and must be experienced.

To make peace with all that, I remind myself of my anchors. These are the things that keep me grounded and free of regrets no matter what the planets may portend, or what is happening around me.

Making the most of each day

It almost sounds trite to say, but in an age where so much is designed to suck precious hours away through addictive media, it’s becoming harder to practice.

But when you get a sense of passing time (the way I had skipping through each solar return, or looking at baby pictures of my kids) its preciousness crystallizes in front of me. Each project, personal endeavor, and the quality of life in general is built upon how we spend those hours each individual day.

For a long time, I had a disconnect between what I wanted and the effort that needed to be applied to get it. I had plenty of time (in the future) to do the things I wanted to do, and I would rest on laurels I never had to begin with. Imaginary laurels.

But now I know the feeling of being able to look back on each year and feel that almost no time was wasted. It’s a wonderful feeling. When I get a moment to just “chill” it feels well deserved and like the right thing to do. So basically, I cope with life’s unpredictability by trying to make the most of everything, especially the good times. When things out of my control do happen, at least I know I did what I could.

Gratitude

There will be times in life when you feel like you have to scrape the bottom of a barrel for things to be grateful for, but you should always be scraping. I may not know what will be in my barrel next year, but I know what is in there now, and it is more than good enough. It is not on fire, the bottom has not fallen out of it, and it is still in my hands.

The competitive and comparative nature of people can cause you to forget to be grateful, but do your best to protect that sentiment in every aspect of life.  Gratitude is like the sustenance of anything in your life you want to see grow. It’s the lifeblood of your relationships with people, too.  

Also, there is nothing like tragedy, loss, or experiencing our mortality that will silence the noise and bring you right to heart of what truly matters. When it inevitably happens to you, you will know immediately how little you really needed and whether you appreciated what you had. I make sure to be grateful because I know everything I have now is temporary. 

Act in a way that suits you

I had fought a little bit with what to choose as my last point here, but a reminder that this is about feeling anchored and free of regrets while on this spinning rock, should it choose to explode tomorrow, not trying to encompass every good piece of life advice!

So I chose this one, because this is the only thing in our control anyway. If you could act completely independently, regardless of the conduct and actions of those around you, how would you behave? I have to give credit to Om Swami for this one, as he dedicated a whole post to this topic as the only thing we ever need to know.

I remember once (several times more than once if I’m honest) when I acted in a way that was not in alignment with what I felt befit me. Losing that felt like losing everything, because what did I really have if I wasn’t at least in control of myself? Imagine the peace and personal power felt by adopting that rule under no exceptions. This has become one of my anchors in a world that tries mighty hard to “rock my boat”.

Ultimately, none of us know exactly how life will unfold, no matter how many charts we consult or precautions taken. Like the planets, the movement of time is impartial— neither friend nor foe, and ever in motion. Living with this uncertainty, we can choose to be present, to spend our days intentionally, to appreciate what we have while we have it, and to act in ways that align with who we truly are.

I think the real comfort is not in predicting the future, but in knowing that whatever happens, we lived in a way that mattered.

Peace,