Vedic scriptures tell us there are three things most tied to fate: The family you’re born into, your death, and the person(s) you marry (or don’t marry).
The first two aren’t surprising, because we can’t really change those things, certainly not the family we’re born into. We could argue about death, but for now, I want to talk about the marriage partner.
It makes sense that your marriage partner is strongly tied to fate, because more than anything else in your life, that person strongly influences the path you’re on and the quality of your life. They affect where you live, your health, where you travel, and many new people you associate with (friends and in-laws). In marriage, you get roped into your partners karma, and all the highs, lows and transitions. This is one reason why the Navamsa, your life path, is also the Varga of marriage.
So, it’s very important to choose a good partner, but is it really up to us? Yes, but also no.
Why Your Marriage Partner is Tied to Fate
Everything you experience in life is going to build you up to making that fated choice. Every complex, every need, the relationship with your parents, every prior relationship that gave you a new perspective on what you think you do and don’t need, they’re all moving you closer to the state of consciousness you will be in when you choose that person.
And guess what? You can’t change or control that other person. They are someone intertwined in your life but at the same time – your wild card. The positive and negative they bring is something beyond your control, and you don’t know if they will continue to grow with you or away from you. Any new souls that come into the world through your union need that very specific environment for their own lessons, so your fated relationships are also serving that purpose.
I have a ton of opinions on relationship dynamics, but at the end of the day, you’ll end up with the person you need for your soul growth – the easy and enjoyable and the hard and miserable parts. Whether your marriage is beautiful and harmonious, a complete dumpster fire, or somewhere in-between, it was simply your turn to experience that.
Can something so fated be changed?
Now, assuming the marriage (or another long relationship) has become a negative force in your life, it doesn’t need to be a life-long fate. Once the marriage has served its purpose in presenting whatever needed to be experienced for both people, you can take back control. The lessons have been learned, the karma has been burned, debts have been paid, children have been created. Your consciousness is no longer “seized” the way it was prior to making that commitment. As different options arise in your mind, such as whether to separate or work things out- that is your free will. At that point, your fate is in your hands and different choices lead to different future outcomes.
What about avoiding it altogether? Yes – the one who has discovered how to live in balance with nature is unbound by fate. Such a person is not tied to karma anymore. That state, however, requires a lot of spiritual work. I think any personal work you do to become a healthier, happier person is going to help your outcome.
So, if you’re worried about making the wrong decision, you can relax a bit knowing that this is one area of life that will unfold as it is meant to. And if you’re happily married you can enjoy the romantic sentiment that the person you’re with is indeed, meant for you.