An essential part of knowing what you want is learning what you don’t want. There isn’t a single area of life where negative experiences were not fundamental in elevating myself and my life. For this reason, I’ve learned to make peace with difficulty and recognize the opportunity it presents. We can either get hung up on negative experiences or see their value as tools for recalibration. Calibration to what? To what we know is better for ourselves and what our inner being is yearning for.
Evolution is guided by experiencing resistance
We are guided by negative experiences as much as positive ones. I’m tempted to say more, because disappointments and unwanted experiences generate strong desire-fuel. Desires for something different, for something better, for circumstances more aligned with who you are or are becoming. After all, what generates movement? What stimulates growth? It is the back and forth of tension and relief that moves us forward. You simply can’t grow without some discomfort, pain, and stress. In this way, adverse experiences are always serving you.
And that’s the point. Evolution is the goal of everything in this universe; from the gross and physical planes to the subtle and etheric. Expansion can only occur when contrast is present – when you have the opportunity to experience and engage with things you don’t like.
Our disappointments force us to think differently
Through these experiences, you take consciousness to places it had never been before. Think about the delicious feeling of new clarity, insight, new wisdom born from your experiences. You occupy a single, irreplicable facet of creation interacting with time and space in a way only you can. You figure out what the better way is. And since new thought is what creation is built upon, the value cannot be overstated.
But maybe that idea doesn’t offer any comfort to difficult situations. Some experiences cause us to spiral downward and flounder to recover our self-worth, hope, enthusiasm, or joy. But if we learn to redirect our thoughts, we can start looking at these experiences as opportunities for refinement.
Personally, there are some areas of life where I feel paralyzed to act, because I’m not sure I can make the right decision. I’ve failed so much that surely I shouldn’t try again. Sometimes we forget our nature as infinite exploratory creatures and put so much stock into getting it “right” that we miss the point. The point is to enjoy the sandbox, to wreck your castle and rebuild a better one. Have you ever seen a child crumple up their artwork because it didn’t look “right?” As adults, with our greater perspective, we see all the value in that piece of art. We see it for what it is – absolute treasure that will never exist again in exactly the same way. Your own life, your canvas, is no different in cosmic perspective.
We can’t obsess about getting things right when what is “right” for ourselves is continuously amending anyway.
Through negative experiences you accomplish new desires
I think it’s beneficial to reflect on how we arrive at desires. I talk a lot about inspired action and desires being born from inspiration, but think of everything you had to go through to arrive at your current desires. Often, very negative experiences will launch us in the direction of something amazing. Many times, we wouldn’t want something sweeter for ourselves unless we’re left with an aftertaste of something bitter.
Do you trust in the perfection of your desires? Do you believe in the ripeness of them, that they occur at the time you need them to? Your desires direct your life, and don’t they just continue to get better and better? Clearer, brighter, more beautiful, more clever, more exciting, more you. Because of this, I can’t help but be thankful for my negative experiences, and everything that didn’t go “right.”